43. More Waynoka Trips

For several years, the Waynoka Rattlesnake Hunt was the first ride of the year for the men of the Topeka Touring Society. It always came the first weekend after Easter. Sometimes the weather was pleasant; sometimes...it was not.

One year we had many riders and needed a motel with lots of room. This turned out to be the Vista Motel on the west edge of Alva, Oklahoma, a mere thirty minutes from Waynoka. I had called the Chamber of Commerce asking for a motel such as this along with a place to get really good steaks.

The nice lady recommended the Vista Motel for lodging and the Oklahoma Bar & Grill for the steaks. As usual, we got to Waynoka early enough for the free Ham ‘n Bean dinner with sweet cornbread, sun tea, and even fried rattlesnake if you like.

After dinner, (the noon meal; remember?) we walked around town buying T-shirts, caps, belt buckles, and other mementos. Some of us entered the Den of Death for a dollar to watch the snake handlers display the snakes. For an extra buck, one could enter the butcher shop and watch the snakes become fried.

A few miles south of Waynoka are the Little Sahara Sand Dunes, a place where recreation vehicles come from all over to play. We passed a couple of hours here and finally met back at the bikes for the short ride to our motel. We cleaned up and I called the steak house for the reservation.

I told the lady there were nearly thirty of us of us and we’d like to eat steak suppers, big steaks, sometime after 1900. I also told her we were on motorcycles and wanted to have a drink or two with supper, but did not want to ride back to the motel after having the drinks. Was there a bus or cab service that could provide us with rides to and from the restaurant? Again, no problem. She was going to sell thirty big steak meals, plus drinks, plus tips, etc. Was she going to let that slip away?

She sent her niece and a couple of dancers to collect us in three cars; a yellow Cadillac convertible, a Firebird, and a big Chevy SUV. Even with all these vehicles, it required two trips to get us all down there.


April, the manager’s niece, was a very pretty girl and the other girls were certainly no less attractive. Yeah, buddy! Even today, when her name is mentioned, Jack and I take off our hats and place them over our hearts. Where the hell was she when I was 25?

If the steaks are as good as the dancers we were in great luck. They were. Long story short, the steaks were more than excellent. April told us it was a good thing we called because they had to go get more steaks!

We had our steaks, our drinks, and even played a few games of pool before heading back to the motel. Another example of how we just fell into these adventures.

Next morning, we ate at McDonald’s and headed east for I 35 north and home. As we rode past the steak house, we were shocked to see that the place had burned to the ground during the night! We later learned that the restaurant would not re-open because the owners did not have any insurance. So...back to the drawing board for next year.

Funny how time slips away. Soon it’s time for Waynoka again. During the summer, Judy and I had ridden down to Big Spring and detoured through Enid, Oklahoma. There we found a multitude of great places to eat. Of special interest was a fast Go-Kart track at the north end of town not far from the Holiday Motel. Note I did not say Holiday Inn.

The motel was a bit seedy, but since our guys were the type of people that decent folk worried about, we figured we would be okay. Let the normal people worry about us!

Across the road was a topless bar, The Enid Conservatory of Dance, and further down the street was the Tia Juana Steak House! (Tia Juana means Aunt Juanita in Spanish)

Hot damn! With all this entertainment, we could skip Waynoka and just come here! No, no, that wouldn’t seem sportin‘. Have to go to Waynoka.

On the way down, Judy and I had eaten dinner at a nice little cafe in a town about an hour away. We had asked about breakfast and they said on Sunday mornings there was a nice buffet.

So it seems we have replaced everything except the cute little motel in Alva. Ah, well. We were tired enough to sleep well on these trips so the motel didn’t matter that much.

After the ham ‘n bean dinner at the Waynoka Saddle Club, we headed east through Red Canyon country toward Enid, arriving there in the early afternoon. Imagine thirty guys crowding around a registration desk with a tiny East Indian guy trying to get everybody’s keys while explaining, in broken English, this was not the Holiday Inn, but the Holiday motel; big difference.

To stir things up, I sat down behind all the other guys and said, loudly, “Hey! This ain’t the Holiday Inn!”

Indian was nearly in tears by this time. It is not for nothing that motorcyclists are sometimes known as professional shit disturbers!

After we all got registered and rested a while, some of us walked up to the go-kart track. Wow! These babies were fast! Two engines, lots of horses, great banked track and cheap tickets meant a splendid afternoon.

With hats on backward, wearing big smiles along with gritted teeth when bumping and passing, even a casual observer could see what we looked like when we were nasty little boys. There were a few non motorcycle people riding around with us, but our group bumped them out of the way. When Scott spun a little boy off the track, and Jack t-boned him, his parents appeared like magic and rescued him and all the remaining youngsters. We now had the track all to ourselves!

We had motorcycles back at the motel that cost more than $15,000 each, yet we were spending the afternoon racing go-karts. Go figure.

As it was getting close to supper time, we headed to the motel for a quick nap and shower. Tonight we’ll see how good the Tia Juana steaks are.

In a big mob, we enter the Tia Juana steak house and get seated in the back room around two long tables and one four seater. The waitress is from Texas so we are in for a treat. She fill water glasses from a big pitcher and slams coffee cups down. In a flash, she’s back with two pots of hot coffee.

She fills Carl’s cup to within about an inch of the top. Carl looks at this and tells her he’d like to have a full cup, if you please. She tells him as long as she is waitin’ tables here, he’ll never see the bottom of the cup.

Carl then tells her that this will mess up the temperature of the coffee. When he gets it just right, she’ll dump in more hot coffee and it will be messed up again. She tells him something along the lines of’ “Bullshit, live with it!”

Carl has been a truck drive all his life and has never seen a waitress this salty. She has been a waitress all her life and never seen a truck driver she couldn’t handle! He is at a total loss for words.

She takes everyone’s order without writing anything down. Never made a mistake. From time to time, she’s back with more coffee. As she tops off Carl’s cup again, he again asks her to fill it all the way up. She says, “No! Get over it!” Carl decides to quit while he’s still behind.

Steaks are ready! They are fantastic and we are hungry! We all dig in and Carl never does see the bottom of his coffee cup. She is a very good waitress. How good?

Let’s move over to the other table that seats four of our group and compare their experience as served by the second waitress. Delbert (not part of the DePesto pair) ordered fried chicken and when it comes, it’s perfect! Except that he ordered legs and thighs and got white meat instead. Well, he did have a different waitress.

There were two older couples seated at the next table over from him. One of the ladies there had ordered white meat and got legs and thighs. The waitress had obviously mixed up their orders. This old gal complained to the waitress who then told her she must have gotten the orders mixed up and pointed over to Delbert.

“You’ve got my breasts!” the old gal shouted at Delbert. There was a stunned silence followed by an explosion of laughter when she realized what she had said. Delbert turned beet red as did the old gal. See, we never just go somewhere and come back. There’s always an adventure involved.

We head back to the motel and get ready to settle in for the night when we hear loud laughter coming from Bill and Terry’s room. Curious to see what’s going on, we all head over there to investigate. This room is easy to find as it is the one with the 45 caliber bullet hole!

Pause here for a review of what we have eaten today; big John Wayne breakfast with eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy. Dinner with ham ‘n beans, onions on top, cornbread on the side. Supper with a huge steak, onions, red beans, mashed potatoes, and more gravy. To say we were full is to understate the condition.

Now back to the entertainment. Some of the younger guys had been running each other out of each other’s rooms due to the forceful release of excess gas. (for those that live in Topeka, Kansas, this means farting!) Someone had asked the question, ‘Do farts burn?” Never ask this question of young hellions. They decided to try it.

Ka Boooom! Oh, yeah; they do ignite. One thing led to another and soon a contest was underway to see who could shoot flames the farthest.

This display was made even more impressive in the darkened room and blue green flames, sometimes more than two feet in length were not uncommon. I’ll not describe the exact method of ignition, but suffice it to say, it was a sight I do not wish to see again. The reader can use his own imagination, but suffice it to say, Jack and I disavowed any knowledge of our sons' existence.

Warning! Burns in the delicate areas and serious gastric disturbances may result.

It was time for another shower after being exposed to this pollution, then into bed for an early start in the morning. Everyone was worn out from the full day we had. Remember we started at 0600 and by now it was nearly 2300. We slept the sleep of the innocent and the just.

Upon awakening the next morning, we packed the bikes and proceeded to the parking lot to have a quick cup of coffee while awaiting the stragglers. Coming across the street were two young ladies who were dressed to the nines.

Quite attractive, they stopped and visited with Keith and Scott for a while asking all kinds of questions about the bikes, when we were going to leave, had we had breakfast yet, and a myriad of other inquiries. Keith was in his element, only too happy to show off his new bike.


Scott was trying be helpful as well, but soon he began to see things that Keith did not. Wisely he backed away and left Keith all alone with the two young ladies.

After a couple of minutes, the girls laughed loudly and took their leave, waving good bye to us all. Keith stood there alone, red faced, and embarrassed.

When asked what he said that made them laugh so hard, he said, “Well, I just commented on how nicely they were dressed and asked them if they were goin‘ to Sunday school!”

At that point one of the girls finally spelled it out for him, speaking slowly and using small words. She said, “Dude, it’s Sunday mornin’. We‘re workin’ girls, headin’ home from the Enid Conservatory of Dance. (the topless bar across the street) We just stopped by to see if we could connect with one or two more customers before going home to sleep! Get the picture?”

Hey! I got pictures!