32. The Homemade Trailer

Three and a half couples took off one fine summer day, bound for a fun vacation in Yellowstone National Park. As is common with all riders, economy is high on the list of priorities, probably because everything else concerned with motorcycling is quite costly, except for fuel economy, so one economizes where one can.

For example, riders save up all old socks and underwear with holes for long trips such at this. After use, they can be discarded. Disposable underwear! You heard it here first! Who wants to pack around soiled undies and smelly socks when space is at a premium?

I know of one couple who carry explanations in their pockets in case they are in a mishap. Wouldn’t do to have the medical personnel think ill of them for wearing frayed personals. Another couple had discarded their holey socks and underwear in the waste basket in their room. The meticulous maid recovered them, folded them neatly, and replaced them on the counter!

Our story’s hero du jour is named Chuck and his long suffering wife is Miss Frances. They were accompanied by Carl and Carol and Gary and Carolyn. The half of this group was Mike, who is Gary’s brother. This story begins some weeks before the trip when an specialist in wiring trailers to bikes (he once watched someone) helped Chuck put on lights and make the connections.

Chuck had come up with a lightweight sturdy box and a set of wheels on a single axle. Naturally, he put the parts together and made a neat little cargo trailer to pull behind his motorcycle. He could now carry many more camping supplies, groceries, clothes, an ice chest, along with various and sundry items as he toured the country.

This adventure became a pre-destined disaster when he presented himself at Frickley’s garage and prayed for help in wiring up the lights. It helps if you understand that these two likable goofs are a few French Fries short of being a Happy Meal!

Electricity 101 teaches us that electricity will flow like water to various circuits as long as a proper ground wire exists to attract the current onward. A short circuit is a condition where current does not flow where you want it to go, but takes the path of least resistance. Therefore a bare rubbed spot on the insulation creates an unwelcome ground and the current takes a short cut, i.e. a short circuit. Get it? Frickley did not. He was a Charter member of the “Bungle it Yourself” association for home and auto repairs.

Frickley began the connection process by stating, “First thing we gotta do is establish a ground.” Chuck looked at the red, black, white, yellow, and green wires in his hand and asked, “Which one’s ground?”

“Don’t make no difference, Chuckie!” said Frickley. “Just pick one and we’ll get on with it!”

They worked industriously for twenty minutes and then began to identify turn signal wires, brake wires, and tail light wires. There’s not very many and so the task moved right along. Eventually they were ready to connect all the wires and hook up the trailer to the bike.

When they made the connection, the fuse promptly blew. Hmmm. Let’s try a little bigger fuse. Hey, the lights kinda work! SNAP! Another blown fuse. “Ah ha!” cried Frickley. “I see the problem. We need a bigger fuse!”

He took the next size fuse, wrapped it in tin foil and inserted it into the fuse holder. Again, everything worked! Kinda. Hurray! Time now for a cold drink and a review of the upcoming trip. Darkness fell as Chuck hopped on his bike and made his way home.

He was so proud of his trailer and his lights and then...he slammed on the brakes and stopped under a street light, quickly shutting the engine off!

Smoke was boiling out from under the gas tank and he feared a fire was imminent! Opening the fuse panel, he saw a congealed mass of melted wires. Worse, the little computer that monitored lights, oil pressure, engine temperature, and battery was fried! All this damage occured because of the tin foiled fuse. Chuck limped on home and went to bed in a blue funk. Frickley was some surprised when he heard about this later.

Next afternoon Chuck contacted Jackman and Tee Wide for help. These guys are magicians when it comes to electrical work, but this job was beyond even the reach of these experts. Oh, they got his trailer wired up again and the lights worked with a normal fuse, but the little computer that watched over Chuck’s engine was history. Cost of a new one? More than $400! Damnation! He could have bought a brand new trailer for that! Well, can’t afford the computer and go on the trip too. So, Yellowstone, look out! Here come da Chuckster!

Take off day arrives and soon the friends are off on a glorious Saturday morning in mid-summer. The trailer pulls nicely, lights are working fine, and soon the sparkling day lifts Chuck’s spirits. Anticipation of the good times to come is evidenced by the happy CB chatter between friends.

In total harmony, they make their way to North Platte, Nebraska for the first overnight stop. They don’t feel like camping tonight, so they search for a motel only to discover that all rooms are taken due to a regional softball tournament. They finally take the last two rooms in a rundown motel.

Next morning they take off once more, hummin’ little songs and just bein’ joyful motorcycle folk. Suddenly, Chuck hears a loud clunk! This is followed by sparks flying, a deafening grinding sound and Carl hollering on the CB, “Chuck, I think you got a problem!” Boy, did he ever?!!

When Chuck looked in the rear view mirror, he saw a rooster tail of sparks shooting up from the pavement! He slowed the big Yamaha, watching in horror as his left rear wheel disconnected and went bounding across the prairie! It cleared a five strand barbed wire fence and continued on its merry was down a long hill in waist high prairie grass!

Finally, Chuck got the bike stopped and pulled off the side of the road. Mike, the youngster, began running across the field chasing the errant trailer wheel, while Chuck had a delayed, but decidedly hysterical laughing reaction! Upon closer inspection, they could see that the axle itself had broken off just inside the hub of the wheel. This would require the services of a welder and there was nothing in sight, but miles of gently rolling plains with pre-cut cow food and amber waves of grain.

By and by, Mike returned with the wheel and they could see how the repair could be effected, but out here...? How to get this mess to town?

And where was town? Outside assistance and intervention was needed and they were discussing sending some one for help when providence intervened.

In the distance, a chugging sound gradually became louder. Soon a tiny speck appeared on the horizon behind them, growing larger and louder with each passing moment. Indeed, help was on it’s way.

“Providence" arrived in the form of some good old boys and a couple of good old girls in a beat up truck. The driver spotted Chuck and pulled in ahead of him. Making several attempts to get out of the truck, the driver eventually got the door open and lurched out on the highway. Clearly, these happy folks had been drinking since breakfast and were now in the most amiable state of helpfulness and just full of good intentions and brotherly love!

Engaging the driver in conversation, Chuck learned that the next town was Valentine, a little place about 60 miles away. But alas, that was out of the way for the rescuers as they were headed for the reservoir for an action packed day of fishing, floating, and imbibing! Could they be prevailed upon to haul Chuck’s trailer to a settlement where a welder could be found. On a Sunday?

The partiers held a brief discussion among themselves and decided they were runnin’ a little low on refreshments and if they could help a brother and themselves, why...that’s the thing to do.

Together, they lifted the trailer and parts into the back of the truck. With a cheerful yell of “follow us!”, the good old boys took off for Valentine, Nebraska at a high rate of speed.

Chuck and the gang had no choice but to follow as all their camping supplies and worldly possessions for the next ten days were in the back of a beat up truck, rocketing along the road weaving in and out of the yellow lines.

One of the good old girls in the back kept waving at Chuck in a suggestive manner as she was obviously taken with him. This had the potential to turn ugly if her significant other noticed her amorous behavior. The spice of life! Ain’t motorcyclin’ grand?!!

They reached the outskirts of Valentine and pulled into a truck stop. Chuck and the driver went into the cafe to find a welder for repairs while the other tarnished good Samaritans unloaded the trailer. This final act of kindness put our hero in touch with a welder who said he’d be down after dinner.

Back outside, Chuck and the gang bid their farewells to the happy inebriates, narrowly avoiding a three way fight when the two good old girls kissed Chuck goodbye. As the truck pulled away, Chuck joined his friends in the cafe to eat and await the arrival of the next “helper”.

Two hours later, the trailer has been repaired, the group has been fed and the trip resumes. Only $15 to weld the axle to the hub and they were off with some great memories. Good to see that old Chuck, even at his age, can still titillate the ladies!

The early euphoria of being on the road in good weather has returned. The adventure continues with light hearts as the miles melt away. A few hours ahead is the Badlands National Park.

As they approach the Park entrance, Mike’s voice cracks over the CB, “Hey guys, I’ve lost my shifter arm! I can’t shift gears!” Chuck gets everybody off the road safely and together they inspect this new challenge. Yep! No doubt about it! The shifter arm is...gone!

Leaving the ladies with Mike and the disabled bike, the guys slowly backtrack the way they came, looking for a bright chrome handle, about eight inches long, with a black rubber L shaped bend. Not a big item, hard to see, and it could be anywhere.

Miles go by and just as they decide that vice grips will have to be used as a shifter arm to reach the next town, Gary spots a shiny object in the road ahead. Hooray! It’s the lost arm! Retrieving the invaluable part, they hightail it back to the entrance of the Park and replace the shifter arm.

Carl always carries a good supply of extra bolts and nuts; it’s a moment’s job to find one the right length and size. Done! And once more, they’re off !

Again, the happy feeling returns and they enjoy what turns out to be three days of untroubled and uninterrupted enjoyment amid the great scenic backdrop of the rugged Badlands National Park.

Moving on, they approach Rapid City where Mike leaves the group and trudges home to get ready for work. Hey, somebody’s got to be responsible! The others head for Yellowstone where more adventures await them.

As they entered Yellowstone from the east, the first thing they notice is the roads are in terrible shape. Winter freezes the roadbed, spring thaws the roadbed. As the seasons overlap, this takes place...daily. Roads suffer.

This road is rough! Deep holes, loose rock, gravel, and a jarring washboard surface gets to the other wheel of Chuck’s trailer! This time, the wheel goes bounding off the road, down a steep decline where it hits a big rock, shoots straight up in the air and disappears over a cliff! Gone!

Chuck is not laughing now and this wheel will not be so easy to retrieve. This road is narrow and winding, with heavy traffic of the motor home variety. Unhooking the trailer, they pull it as far off the road as they can while the rest of the group goes ahead to a safe place.

Chuck and Carl begin a hazardous journey down into the canyon to locate the errant wheel and then climb back up. This take a mere three hours! Just as they reach the summit with the wheel, they see Gary coming to get them, pulling a little flat bed K-Mart type trailer behind his bike. Quickly, they load the one wheeled trailer on the flat bed and proceed to the next town of Fishing Bridge.

Here is a complete machine shop with all the welding tools and torches one could ask for. Chuck approaches the welder and arranges to have the repairs done. Not so easy. The welder is obstinate and inebriated. And worse, a slow drizzling rain with small flakes of snow begin to fall. The welder can’t get to the trailer just now, won’t let Chuck use it, won’t sell his flat bed trailer to Chuck, nor will he sell the axle off the flat bed. Damnation! This vacationing is hard work.

Four hours later, the axle has been welded for the second time. The weld doesn’t look very strong and the weight of the trailer and its contents may cause another failure up the road. They decided to lighten up and send the excess baggage home on a Greyhound bus. This should improve their chances of avoiding yet another breakdown.

Things go well the next few days as they ride through very pretty country in and out of Yellowstone.

Finally, it was time to head for home. They decided to re-enter Yellowstone, ride to Old Faithful, and then head for Kansas. The west road was not much better that the east road, but since Chuck had lightened the load, he thought the axle would take the strain. Oh, gentle reader, how can I break the news to you that Chuck was wrong?!! Yes, indeed. More trouble is coming when the axle breaks for the third and final time.

As the wheel again went flying down the mountain, he slowly began unloading the trailer. Borrowing Carl’s tools, he began unbolting lights, trailer hitch, ice chest carrier and luggage rack. The bad luck, the damage to his bike, even before they started, combined with the jerk at the machine shop was more than he could stand. He decided to salvage all the parts he could, parcel out the load among the survivors and leave the trailer to it’s own end.

Picking up the tongue of the one wheeled, empty trailer, he drug it over to the edge of the cliff and pushed it over the side! Crash! Bang! Down the mountainside it tumbled, breaking into many small pieces as it picked up speed. When the dust settled, and the trailer was reduced to a pile of kindling, Chuck dusted off his hands and said, “Let’s go see Old Faithful and get the hell outta here!”

Next day, they were briskly runnin’ down Poudre Canyon, the last of the twisties on the way out of Colorado. Slowing for a very sharp bend to his right, Chuck was nearly run over by a little old blue haired lady in a big Buick.

Driving way left of center, she yanked her car back to the right, narrowly missing Chuck! As she went by, she yelled out at him, “Pig!”

That’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back! Chuck yelled right back at her, ”Hussy!”

In the next instant, he’s hittin’ the brakes hard, making an evasive move to avoid a massive 400 pound hog ambling across the highway! Didn’t the little old blue haired lady try to warn him?

Ol' Chuck goes ‘hog wild’ on vacation!

PB