34. Melanie and the Elevator

This story really happened in a big city Hospital where I worked. The only connection to motorcyclin’ is that I occasionally rode to work. This story is simply too good to leave out.

Practical jokes are rampant in Hospitals, especially during the night shift. Some say it is a safety relief valve; others say it indicates severe mental disorders. Regardless, they are a fact of life and usually are harmless, and actually relieve the tension in long critical situations.

Let me introduce you to Melanie. Melanie is professional, competent, sweet, sensitive person who is kind to her patients; a delightful co-worker, and very attractive with blond hair and deep blue eyes.

One evening , she was called to 5 North to see a patient in respiratory distress. Since her office was on the ground level, the fastest way to the fifth floor was the elevator. So with her little bag of patent nostrums, she hurried to the elevator.

When the elevator door opened she jumped in quickly and hit the button for the fifth floor. As the door closed, she realized someone had been on there before her and had really smelled up the place. The air had taken on an unhealthy green hue and the fumes were very strong. (for those who live in Topeka, Kansas, this means the previous occupant had farted in the elevator)

Holding her hand over her nose, she breathed very little as the elevator made it’s way up to the fifth floor. When the door finally opened, she ran out and bumped into the arms of elderly Nurse Blodgette, the house supervisor. She got part way down to her patient’s room when she suddenly realized, Nurse Blodgette would undoubtedly associate the bad smell with her! Melanie was mortified!

In due time, she treated her patient and returned to our office. I was enjoying some coffee and relaxing a bit while Melanie poured out her tale of woe. I could see the humor of the situation and suggested that I should call Blodgette and explain what had happened so she would not think ill of Melanie.

No! Melanie was adamant. Under no circumstances was I to ever mention the elevator episode to Blodgette. Ah, well; I told her I would not embarrass her further and changed the subject. I lied. Did I mention that I sometimes embellish an event to improve it’s quality? I should have.

We talked of other things and separated to make our appointed rounds. She planned to let some time go by and eventually she would find the opportunity to explain to Blodgette what really happened.

But that seemed so...incomplete. Surely I could interfere with that plan. Let us explore some of the options...

Ah, yes, my little chickadee; I have the plan right here, but I need an accomplice. The accomplice I sought was one Miss Jody, an RN working in the Intensive Care Unit with a sense of humor almost as warped as my own.

I hastened to the ICU and explained what had happened with Melanie and Blodgette. And Jody, no surprise here; immediately signed on to create more mayhem. She paged Melanie and excitedly told Melanie she was needed in the ICU right now!!

Melanie told Jody that I was covering ICU and to call me. Jody then told Melanie I was busy in the ER and she needed help right now.

Melanie then asked what the problem was. Jody said Nurse Blodgette had staggered into the ICU in serious respiratory distress holding her hands up to her throat and mumbled something about...Melanie and the elevator!

After a lengthy silence, Melanie told Jody to “You tell Pecos Bill that I said he was an a**hole!”


A**hole? Street language from such a sweet young lady?

Appalling!!