28. Out On Parole

The 1995 riding season was an exceptionally good one. So good in fact, that we all were reluctant to put the bikes away. Thus it came to pass that we squeezed in one more weekend trip at the last possible moment back to the Ozark Mountains for a last look at the late fall colors before winter set in and relegated us to fireplaces and cafes. And of course, as on all rides, we finished up with a visit to...Wal-Mart!

I had picked up something from the automotive department and was entering the check out line just behind Jackman. Jack, as you may recall, is my partner in crime for the evil that we do to other folk’s bikes. His mind is quick, and his wit is sharp. Today, however, it would be my turn to be on the receiving end of this double edged sword. As I came up behind him I said, jokingly, “So, parolee, how did you get back out on the street so soon?”

He caught on right away and replied, “Oh, hello Officer. Why, I’m in the criminal reimbursement program now. I’ve got a little job and I’m making restitution to all my victims.”

I was the one now that was caught off guard. I said something like, “Well...that’s good. That’s good. Glad to hear you’re stayin’ out of trouble.”

“Oh, yes, sir.” he said. “I’ve learned that I can’t just take things that don’t belong to me and hurt people any more. I’m doin’ real good long as I take my medication regular. That and observing the other conditions of my parole.”

Meanwhile the clerk has his head down and was rapidly stuffing Jack’s purchases in a plastic sack. Clearly, he wanted Jack out of his line and outta the store! The people in line behind me are shifting uncomfortably as well!

But Jack wasn’t done yet. He continued, “Just want to let you know there’s no hard feelin’s on my part. I know now that you were just doin’ your job!”

All I could come up with was more head nodding, hoping he would hurry up and leave before I had to think of something to say. But he was really on a roll and I wasn’t about to get off that easy.

On his way out the door he turned for one parting shot. Speaking louder, he said, “Oh, by the way. I’m tryin’ to get in the early work release program startin’ next week. I’ve got my psychiatric criminal evaluation appointment set up for Monday. I’ll double up on my medication the night before so I’ll be sure and pass. I just gotta get outside again! I’ll sure be seein’ YOU!” His voice went way up the scale on that last word.

Everybody in the store heard him. And I had to stand there with all the questioning stares of strangers as he swaggered out the door, more than just a little pleased with his performance.

When I got to the bikes, he was already tellin’ the others about how my little joke had backfired. He was laughing so hard the tears were streaming down his face. Did I mention he got me good? I should have.

He, too, has a good time at Wally World!