14. The Best Salesman In Texas

Living in Houston sure requires a change in your thinking process. The humidity is thick, it frequently rains every afternoon, and grocery stores have paper sacks with maritime maps and charts so you can track the numerous hurricanes that start up out in the Gulf of Mexico.

We'd been in Houston about three months having moved from the dry heat and dust of West Texas to the oppressive heat and humidity of the Texas Gulf Coast. I was still fighting with the old Kawasaki KZ1300 as I had since the day I bought it. This irritating bike had a nasty habit of "vapor lockin’". When 100 miles rolled around on each tank of gas, the engine just up and died. No amount of crankin', chokin', beatin', cussin', or threatenin' would make it start till it was good and ready. The social workers at the Hospital told me it probably had low self esteem!

After a particularly busy week and an especially bad Friday, I headed home on this beast in heavy 5 o'clock traffic. I'd gone about four miles up the Eastex Freeway when the engine just died. As I coasted to a stop, it began to rain; not just a little rain, but a real hurricane-induced downpour. For 45 minutes I sat by the side of the road getting soaked from the rain as well as the overspray from the traffic. I cussed that bike and vowed to get rid of it this very weekend!
Finally, it started. When I reached home I pulled into the garage, put it up on the center stand and went in for a late supper. After supper (in Texas there are three main meals - breakfast, dinner and supper) I went to the garage, took off every accessory I wanted to keep and prepared this bike for an emergency divorce! Hell with it’s low self esteem!

Bright and early next morning, Judy followed me to Kay’s Humble Yamaha where I spoke with Ron Ripper; yet another honest bike dealer. "I wanna trade this in on that blue Venture over there, Ron.”, I said . “Let’s talk turkey!”

Ron sighed heavily and said, "Bill, there's a slow market for used bikes just now. How about you leave it with me, I'll display it for you and when it sells, I'll apply the money to your new Venture. I can sell it easy. You know I'm the best salesman in Texas." What he was really saying was that he didn't want my "turkey"!

I was so burned out on the Kawasaki that I didn't want to ride it anymore anyway. Besides, I reasoned, would it not sell faster in a high volume store with the "best salesman in Texas" to push it?

After a couple of weeks went by, I started gettin' a little itchy to ride. Surely something could be worked out to speed up this impending trade. We stopped at Kay’s to see what we could do. Still no deal. As we left, Judy pointed out that there were 27 other Yamaha dealers in the Greater Houston area. Why not try some of them? Good idea!

Westbury Yamaha was about 20 miles from Kay’s, so we headed over there in the car that beautiful Saturday morning. There I talked with the owner, Honest Homzie Horowitz, about a blue Venture. The price was about the same. Time to spring the big question on him.
Holding my breath, I asked, "How much trade-in will you allow for a 1979 Kawasaki KZ 1300? Just a ball park figure. Use the lowest figure till you see it." "Well," Homzie said. "Without seeing it and if it's as clean as you say, I could probably allow at least $1800 trade-in." SHAZAM!!!!!
I was ready to give it away by this time. $1800 was pure gravy! "I'll be back this afternoon!" I screamed. "Just hold that thought."

"Wait a minute," Homzie said. "Here's a cap and T-shirt for the boy... and ma'am," he said to Judy, "You can have that Yamaha jacket for only $20.00. Hurry back now. I'll start the paperwork and get the bike serviced for you."

Heart pounding and breathing fast we flew back to Kay’s to get the old Kawasaki. Ron was very busy with a large bunch of customers when we arrived. Excitedly, I told him I needed to get the bike out. Since the old Kaw was in the middle of a bunch of used bikes and difficult to reach, he said, "Bill, we're really busy with customers right now. If you want to ride, why not take one of my demonstrators?"

"Ron, my pard. You don't understand. I'm bound for Westbury Yamaha to trade in this *&%#@*& on a new blue Venture", I said with a grin. "I'm in a real big hurry."

"Matilda!" Ron yelled. Matilda was his wife, business partner and a most handsome woman. "Come take care of these other customers while I talk to Bill and Judy." Looking at us he said, "You two! Come with me."

Once in his office he looked at us and said bitterly, "Damnation, y'all learned to play this game real fast. What's his offer?"

Thirty minutes later we rode away on the blue 1984 Venture that would become known as "The Sidewinder" (also my old CB handle) and would carry me nearly 100,000 miles before giving way to a 1995 Gold Wing GL1500 SE. in 1996.

Some weeks later we were back in Kay’s talking about service intervals when I commented to Wesley Whittlestone, the service manager, that I really felt bad about not getting back to old Homzie over at Westbury. I told Wesley, “ I really intended to trade with Westbury. Hated to do him that way, but Ron moved faster with better numbers after a little external stimulation."
"Things tend to even out, Bill," Whittlestone said. "Ron got nailed again this morning at the sales meeting. He was berating the sales staff for not selling as many units as he did." He told the staff, "It’s pretty damn bad when the owner of the store sells the most bikes and is the best salesman in Texas!"

"But, Ron, you're certainly not the best salesman in Texas anymore!” responded one of the sales reps with a wicked glint in his eye.

"I'd like to know who you think is better!!!" Ron sputtered.

"Why, it’s Ole Pecos Bill, hisself! He sold you that beat up old Kawasaki!”