19. Canes and Oil and Gas

From time to time, we find ourselves in the presence of true greatness! When this happens, it’s best to sit back breathlessly and enjoy the privilege of just watching.

Since our return to Kansas, we had located a replacement group for the Big Spring Road Riders in the form of the Topeka Touring Society. One member was Wally Wilkerson, an evil companion worthy of the name! As a teenager, his evil mind came up with the idea of cutting his grandfather’s cane off one quarter of an inch every week or so, replacing the rubber tip after each amputation! As time went on, Grandpa found he was bending over more and more with each passing month. Joyfully, the old gentleman came to the logical conclusion that he was growing again! Wally enjoyed this scenario for some time before his father found out what he was doing and administered a thrashing of monumental proportions! He beat Wally like a cheap steak! Wally shared this story with us on a ride one day and it gave us the idea of visiting evil upon the small, round, head of our young son, Scott. We came up with our own version of the dwindling cane. We called it, “The oil leak.”

Scott had just bought a brand new Kawasaki. Riding it to his first supper ride with the group, he was so proud of it’s shiny paint, clean wheels, CB radio, stereo, cruise control, and all the bells and whistles. He had just changed the break-in oil and, being inexperienced, he had made a little mess in his garage and had gotten oil on the undercarriage of the new bike. Some oil was still dripping off the frame in the parking lot and he was industriously wiping up every little drop. Yep! We had just identified our next victim.

The next trip was the Waynoka Rattlesnake Hunt, a men only, male bonding trek to the wilds of Oklahoma for snake hunting, go-cart racing, big steak eating, and other raucous behavior. As always we met at the South Entrance of the Kansas Turnpike in Topeka and left promptly at 6:00 am. Our first stop was for breakfast at the Hardee’s rest stop 115 miles away. At this designated stop, I stayed back while Scott and some of the other guys went in for breakfast.

Moving fast, I took the special little container of oil I had brought along and squirted some on the ground just under his engine. For good measure, I put a couple of drops on the frame where he had been cleaning since his recent oil change. Have you ever seen the huge stain only a few drops can produce? It’s spectacular!

Time to head on. Scott came out and recoiled in horror at the big spread of oil under his bike! This is terrible! A bike with an oil leak or a cosmetic ding is like super model Christie Brinkley with a wart on the end of her nose! It ruins the whole effect.

We helped him check the oil, then hurried him into the saddle promising to check it again at the next gas stop. Reluctantly, he agreed to ride on with us, clearly fretting about his unexpected problem with his new bike. At the next stop, he hovered around his bike and we had no chance to administer a second dose. As no further oil was present, Scott began to feel better about everything, and since the day was warm and the companions were great, he loosened up and began to enjoy the ride.

In Waynoka we all split up and went our own ways agreeing to meet at the bikes at 2:00 p.m. for the ride over to the motel and the go kart track in Enid. Guess who got back to the bikes a little bit early? Yep. Me and Jackman. Together, we made a real mess this time. Then we left. Even Harley riders going by did double takes to look at the huge puddle of oil under a “rice grinder”.

When Scott returned, he choked to see his prize possession peeing oil like a rat bike! Then he spotted the empty oil bottle nearby and realized he had been the subject of a practical joke. He was so relieved that his bike was OK, he forgot to get mad!

Over the next few weeks, I had the opportunity to get a second key made so we could ‘adjust’ the amount of gas in his tank. As you may know, new engines rarely perform at optimum levels until they have had a chance to “break in”. All moving parts change tolerances in the first several hundred miles and the engine sort of gets used to itself if you follow what I’m saying. So as the engine breaks in, it becomes more efficient and actually runs stronger and more economically. In most cases. In Scott’s case, economy was going to be elevated to the next level...and beyond!

The key to Scott’s bike gave us access to his locking gas cap. Jackman had purchased a small siphon kit with extension hoses long enough to reach from bike to bike. Our plan was simple...add a gallon of gas here and there till his mileage became spectacular! We calculated he should be getting 70 to 80 miles per gallon. What a hoot!

Then after he had enjoyed this great economy for a while, and started braggin’ about his mileage, we planned to reverse the process and take out a gallon here and there! More hoot!! So the pattern for the summer’s entertainment was set. Soon Scott began reporting a whopping 73 miles per gallon! (Normal is 40-45) He was so pleased. Scott enjoyed superior economy for several weeks.

As time went on however, he began to notice that when he went on rides alone his mileage suffered. He began to suspect that all was not well, but rather that tumbling to our prank, he began thinking of complaining to the bike shop Service Manager. Fortunately, we got to Larry first and headed off a premature end to our frolic.

So now plan “B’ went into effect. We began taking gas out of his tank and transferring it to another bike. Scott was strangely silent about his unexpected and rapidly plummeting gas mileage. Something must be wrong. When cornered, he admitted 24-28 mpg and would lapse into a blue funk. In the final stages of despair, he presented himself at the Tour-n-Trail Motorcycle Dealership and prayed for help.

Larry came up with a new wrinkle that was just the topping needed for this long running prank. He kept the bike all week while Scott was working. His story for Scott was...Kawasaki had mistakenly allowed one of it’s experimental, high performance, high economy fuel systems to be installed on a bike destined for the retail market. They only learned of their mistake when Larry called for technical assistance. Kawasaki insisted on all parts being returned and agreed to replace those parts with standard issue at no cost. Larry advised Scott to keep quiet about this or else Kawasaki would have to bill him for the parts and service done to return the fuel system to normal.

Soon Scott noticed his mileage was averaging only about 40 to 45 mpg. After his experience with averages of 73 mpg, this was highly irregular and unacceptably low. Today, Scott sometimes talks about calling Kawasaki to learn how the new system is coming along. He intends to buy one as he knows how effective they will be once they get all the bugs worked out.

Our next project is a Gold Wing that has caused it’s owner fits with the front suspension! He finally got it perfect by meticulously adjusting spring tension and air pressure in the individual fork legs. Jack and I intend to change the spring tension and put a lot of air in one fork leg and completely deflate the other one. This should cause the victim much mischief, complete with wailing, renting of garments, and spreading of ashes on the forehead. The summer‘s entertainment is already scheduled but, Jackman and I will need to borrow our victim’s special air pump to adjust the air pressure in his front forks.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention; we’ll also need his special tool to adjust the tension of the front suspension and...